You say Foosball, I say Fußball; let's call the whole thing Abseits!

Well, Germany, the European Soccer Champions of 1996, the World Champions from 1990, did not win World Cup. This is a major tragedy here--naturally the people are demanding the resignation of the trainer. But at least the Germans don't have to go home as the very worst team in the WM. So, who was the worst team, you ask... Japan? Jamaica? No, this privelege was left to the Americans. They won no games and had no ties. That means, they lost every game. A single goal. Zero points. Way to go boys! I do have to say one thing on behalf of the Amis, though: we had, by far, the best hair.

The real problem with the whole World Cup (WM in German) is that the French won! Their goal tender didn't even have any hair! OK, I know, they beat Brazil. Thanks. But is this whole celebrating France thing really to be born? I know am not alone in my 'disregard' for France. Did you all notice how Hollywood allowed Paris to be blown to bits in "Armageddon"? "Deep Impact" had no 'hidden' anti-France message. Nope, that was all long before the WM hype. If we don't stop this France frenzy, I fear there will be major repercussions for the European Union. I can't say exactly how, but I think that the Dutch in their lovely little orange outfits and with their funny names should have won--no fear of EU destabilization there! But now, something must be done....

Update [Aug. '98]: Tour de France. 'Nuff said.

Update [Sept. '98]: The German trainer quit.