The Big One or "Na, na-na, na... Na, na-na, na... Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!"

This is Helmut Kohl. He has been Bundeskanzler in Germany for about a hundred years (OK, sixteen) and this year he's up for re-election AGAIN. But this time it's different. This is the millenium vote. The vote for the new Berlin goverment. And there's a new Herausforderer (challenger) in town, and he seems to be leading in the polls. Wir sind sehr gespannt!

First, the rules. There are lots of different political parties in Germany and they are all associated with colors. Cute, huh? Kohl is the leader of the CDU; they're black. Oooooohhhhh. Scary. The SPD is the other major party; they're red. Not bad. Works on a football jersey. The Greens we've all heard of (tree huggers), but there's also yellows (FDU/conservatives) and pinks (PDS/communists). These are the small parties, which is not surprising given the colors. Now to the voters. Each voter has two votes (and you thought our system was complicated!). First they elect an individual to serve in the federal parliament, sort of like a cross between a representative and a senator. Then with the second vote, they choose the party they want to lead the parliament. Back to the parties: a party has to get 5% of the second votes or 3 direct candidates from the first vote and then they're in the parliament. Those elected with the first vote get seats and then others as neccesitated by the percentages in the second vote. If a party wins more representatives from the first vote than they won in percentages with the second vote then the extra people from the first vote get to come in as well. Got it?? It's OK; you don't have to vote here!

Now, a joke to familiarize you a bit more with the German political parties. Let's imagine that each party had two cows. The CDU (like the Republicans in America) would sell one of them. With the money they would buy a bull and breed more cows. The SPD (more like the Democrats) would sell both cows to the rich. Then they would institute a cow-ownership tax and give the tax revenues to the poor. The PDS (communists) would give both cows to the state, which would then sell the milk back to them. The FDP (conservatives) would build a fence around the cows and charge a fee to everyone who wanted to see them. And the Greens would, of course, let both cows go free and then wonder why they don't have any cows. (Not bad, eh? Heard it on German television--so credit to the "Seven Days, Seven Heads" guy!).

Finally, the results. Well, Kohl is out. This is an amazing thing. No German chancellor before has ever been elected out of office. And Kohl wasn't just any chancellor; he was the chancellor of German unity! But the voters have spoken, and pretty clearly. It should be a Red-Green coalition. They have a comfortable, 21 seat majority in the parliament (that's a lot more than Kohl's party had last time!). Of course, first there have to be discussions and negotiations between the two parties to plan their coalition. They even have to sign a contract. Weird, huh? It gets real complicated when your executive branch is made up of more than one party!

And your new chancellor: Gerhard Schröder. So it's the beginning of a new era in Germany. After America, Great Britian and France made the switch, Germany--as always, a little late--is ready. A round of applause for the Germans, please. And now, all together: Na, na-na, na... Na, na-na, na....